Phantasmagorium

Day Two-hundred Sixty-six

2009-10-19T00:14:00.002-04:00

It's a picture I like, for no particular reason. It reminds me of a certain time, with a certain someone, at a certain place, with a certain feeling.

Day Two-hundred Fifty-six

2009-10-08T00:24:00.002-04:00

I just started watching it... A show called The Worst Witch. If you like 80s, or slice-of-life, or magic, or Harry Potter, or cheering for the underdog, you should give this a try.

Here is the Halloween special... Which I believe was actually filmed before the TV series came into being, although the TV series starts earlier in the chronology:

Tim Curry shows up!

This is the first episode of the TV series:

Day Two-hundred Fifty-one

2009-10-02T14:19:00.003-04:00

A lady always walks with her head high. A princess never loses her courage and, in fear, looks to the ground. We keep our heads high, high as the clouds, because that's where we are.

However, any rule has its exceptions. There's always the accepted, expected deviation from the norm. My prescription to aid in wonderment: make sure to steal a glance downwards every so often. Don't make it a habit to walk with your head down... But remember to take in the small, beautiful things that happen at your feet.

Day Two-hundred Fifty

2009-10-01T22:27:00.005-04:00

It's that time of year... At least, in this hemisphere... It's October; a bit of an in-between place for the year, a time when they say the distance between the mystery and the mundane world is as thin as a breath.

What does this time of year inspire you to do?

Day Two-hundred Forty-eight

2009-09-29T09:45:00.004-04:00

Some video shorts I've enjoyed recently:

They're fairly opposite, and somewhat contradictory (since Lula eschews consumerism or materialism), but they're both very cute and wonderful in their own ways (like the soundtrack!) Somehow, I think the last one brings it all together.

I have a twitter account. At first I was very skeptical of the whole thing, but so far it's been fun.

I hope everyone is having a happy fall so far!

Day Two-hundred Forty-one

2009-09-22T14:13:00.005-04:00

Happy Autumn!

It's finally here at last.

Time for hot tea, hot chocolate, long, wool skirts, wool tights, sweaters and jackets, texture, black, earth tones, cool air, skulls, melancholy, pie, and my birthday!

Day Two-hundred Twenty-nine

2009-09-10T08:59:00.004-04:00

I haven't had the internet for about a week. I did some cleaning up and watched some movies. I'm looking forward to trying out ballet tonight; watching Fantasia has made me want to dance (try, anyway) even more.

I think the Nutcracker suite was probably my favorite, especially Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy and Waltz of the Flowers.

This is the part that stuck out in my mind when I thought of Fantasia before I watched it again, besides the Sorcerer's Apprentice bit. This is what I liked the most as a kid:

Day Two-hundred Fourteen

2009-08-26T14:49:00.004-04:00

The new semester started a week ago. Something unusual about this one is that I'm not taking any major-related classes - instead I'm focusing on electives and such. I think I'll enjoy all of them, a beginner's French, a formal logic, and a death/religion class, but the one I'm having the most fun with is French. I always wanted to learn that language, to me it's very rich and musical, sort of the desserts of the European language buffet.

This time of year always has me feeling inspired and energized. This fall I'm going to take the adult beginner's ballet at the local ballet studio, and I've begun to do vocal exercises via youtube. Vocal training is something I used to do in high school, and it feels so good to pick it up again, I've missed it. Hopefully I can find a teacher.

The first of the leaves have begun to fall. Now I'm anticipating the flourish of color and beauty that marks the death of summer. Au revoir. Bonne journée!

Day Two-hundred Six

2009-08-18T23:44:00.004-04:00

How to be a... (well, what do you think?)

Think natural beauty. Make everything look fresh and elegant.

Nails: Light pink or just clear polish would look wonderful. Also, make sure that they are clean and filed down to an appropriate length. French Manicures look fabulous and can make a girl look classy and elegant. Whether it's a home DIY nail session or at a professional salon, you should always try to have good nails.

Make up: Apply it on carefully, but make sure not to overdo it and look too garish. Take care to make it look fresh and natural. Fun colors every once in a while are a good idea too, but don't apply them all at the same time so that you look like a clown!

Hair: It doesn't have to be done in high curls or tight ringlets. Just make sure that it's moisturized nicely and combed. A cute up do when it's hot outside can look super classy. Make sure you have a good hair care routine too - shampoo it, condition it and apply creams to get it as pristine as possible.

Clothes: Choose clothing that suits you and your taste. But be careful; you do not want to appear tomboyish. Also make sure the clothing you pick is clean and stain-free. Also, be modest! Being a princess means dressing like a lady. You do not have to show off.

Never sacrifice comfort for style. A princess should feel at ease in all situations. Now, this doesn't mean show up at a formal dinner in a tracksuit, but know that when you are comfortable, people will be comfortable around you!

And most importantly....

A Princess is a princess inside and out. So while you may look the part of a princess, you must make sure that you always portray a princess inside as well.

It was interesting to study the contrasts on what the conceptions of a "princess" were between the two "-hows" - there's the rest of this guide at wikiHow and then a different one at eHow. The latter list is a bit pretentious (it's for adults) and reminds me more of a spoilt step-sister instead of a proper lady, yet this is what passes for one today...

Day Two-hundred Three

2009-08-15T22:23:00.003-04:00

Right now I have princess on the brain...

And of course, some reading material!
Princess Lessons
And then, there are the virtues:

patience
gratitude
humility
duty
honor
grace
kindness
hope

Have a lovely late-summer Sunday, everyone!

Day Two-hundred Two

2009-08-15T11:42:00.004-04:00

What I'm looking forward to today is a picnic...

What I've been thinking of lately is the coming season...

late summer/early fall is my favorite time of year, and fall is my favorite season.

Where I want to stay is a cottage on the sea...

somewhere lush and warm.

What I'll do for the moment is enjoy some chocolate...

What are your daydreams today?

Day Two-hundred One

2009-08-14T12:10:00.003-04:00

O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the fairies’ midwife, and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone...

And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers’ brains, and then they dream of love;

O’er ladies ‘ lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are...

Day One-hundred Ninety-one

2009-08-04T12:58:00.003-04:00

Then a great
holiday was
proclaimed
throughout the
kingdom so that
all of high or low
estate might pay
homage to the
infant Princess

Homage was an act, in medieval times, of a man acknowledging himself as a vassal to his (now) lord. Usually it was a ceremony, as well as other acts done throughout the duration of the vassal-lord relationship, if my understanding is correct. Homage today is more of a tip of the hat, a show of respect, to elders or influences that helped to guide us in our life.

Homage as used above (from Sleeping Beauty) seems different than both. It's not about vassalage, or really the type of tribute as it's understood today; to me, that sort of homage isn't really homage at all then, but a celebration of the warmth, joie de vivre, springtime, and everything that a Princess or Maiden (as seen in various fairy tales, mythologies, or Disney animated films) represents, and in many ways, everything that we women today still strive for as far as personal virtues.

In my time away I've been feeling so ground down - at first I had just thought it was because work and school were just becoming more demanding, and that when that load lightened I would feel lighter as well. However, it's not like that; this sort of thing, I think, must be fed - the joy, the love for others and for life. When you do this, it doesn't wax and wane with your fickle moods, and endures even throughout the stresses and disappointments in life (and in fact, reframes them altogether).

I've been thinking, like King Stefan and Queen Leah, I would like to declare a holiday to pay homage to the infant Princess, the bubbling spring of light that I've discovered. The Princess Portal has it's Princess Day on May 5th, which unfortunately never works out for me because it's always on exam week. So, instead, I think I'll have to declare my own holiday... I'm usually doing something work or school related each day, and even on my days off I have errands to run and things to study. Sometime this Autumn, I'll simply declare it a holiday, take the time off work, and celebrate.

Day One-hundred Sixty-seven

2009-07-12T00:35:00.004-04:00

Summer is about movement - it's bombastic, lots of activity and energy. I feel entirely swept away in the tidal wave that Summer always seems to bring.

Day One-hundred Thirty-four

2009-06-07T23:32:00.006-04:00

These could have been snapped on a sunny, cool day in Spring, heading out West.

Day One-hundred Thirty-three

2009-06-07T14:36:00.009-04:00

Dicrocerus elegans is an extinct species of deer found in central Europe (related species in Asia). It stood 70cm (2 ft 4 in) tall at the shoulder - the same size as roe deer. Its long skull sported a set of antlers with a thickened base - the first members of cervids to possess them. The antlers were still quite primitive and had no tines; they were worn only by the males.

Dicrocerus probably came from Asia, from the region where true deer have originated and evolved. It inhabited forests in the temperate belt and in Europe it was typical of the Miocene (10-5 million years ago). It died out at the beginning of Pliocene without leaving any descendants.

The Irish Elk or Giant Deer (Megaloceros giganteus), was a species of Megaloceros and one of the largest deer that ever lived. Its range extended across Eurasia, from Ireland to east of Lake Baikal, during the Late Pleistocene.

The Irish Elk stood about 2.1 metres (6.9 ft) tall at the shoulders, and it had the largest antlers of any known cervid (a maximum of 3.65 m (12.0 ft) from tip to tip and weighing up to 40 kilograms (88 lb)).

The nine species of chevrotain, also known as mouse deer, make up the family Tragulidae. Chevrotains are small, secretive creatures now found only in the tropical forests of Africa, India, Sri Lanka, and South-east Asia. They are the only living members of the infraorder Tragulina.

The Telugu name for the animal is "Jarini Pandi", which literally means "a deer and a mouse". The word 'chevrotain' itself is French, andcan be translated as 'little goat'.

Day One-hundred Thirty-two

2009-06-06T10:24:00.005-04:00

The rain seems to bring something out in people... But what about the day after the rain? What does the return of the sun make you want to do?

Day One-hundred Thirty-one

2009-06-05T19:10:00.011-04:00

I woke up from my nap around seven o'clock yesterday. The sky light was just barely starting to fade, so I decided to go run an errand.

It's funny, when you're in a hurry, you notice all sorts of interesting new things, new distractions. In my case, as I went out I noticed a woman having a yard sale on a side street.

Usually you don't see people having yard sales so late, but hey who's to judge. I said hello and we made some chit chat about the weather lately. She suggested some shoes to me, and I ended up getting them since they were so cute. The woman didn't want any money though, but wanted to trade shoes since we were the same size. Kind of weird, but, these shoes were much nicer.

I waved bye and walked on. The shoes shimmered as I walked, and seemed to leave a trail of light and dust behind them. As I turned the corner to get back on the main street. As soon as I turned, I felt a sudden discomfort in my feet - something was in my left shoe. There was a key I hadn't noticed before. I got up and turned around to go back to the woman so I could return it, but the corner wasn't there.

I was still along the path, and it was similar to my usual one, lined with flowers and trees but no houses... The side street was gone, and the usual activity at this time of day was absent; instead, I was in a still forest, serene and light.

I kept going and things seemed to get more off. The plants seemed to be more "different" somehow, the path just led straight on, I couldn't find my destination. Suddenly, I came to be overlooking a fabulous view of a castle...

I was pretty worried at this point, but I also felt a little exhilarated. Who could be living there? So I hurried towards it. I made it there much more quickly than I expected; I found I could navigate the rough terrain and move faster than I normally would be able to for some reason, maybe the shoes? I made it to the town at the base of the castle, which appeared to be floating on the moat.

A older woman with elongated, thin limbs and wide, bright eyes appeared like an apparition next to me, with a companion. She was in a wooden boat, that sort of looked like a large, wide bucket or tub. She held a long stick and gestured for me to hop in. Feeling extremely nervous, I gave a little curtsy and obliged.

The woman pushed off and started navigating the channels, her friend grinning at me. I smiled back, and then couldn't help but to take in the view; the sky was fully of the beauty of the setting sun.

We went some distance out from the town and then docked. There was forest and a path that led to a gate. (I couldn't believe I still had further to go, it all looked much more compact from my view earlier). I hopped stepped out, and turned around to thank my guides. I wasn't sure what to give, so I took off my vintage charm bracelet.

They were very delighted, and handed me a small bottle full of silvery, incandescent dust. She pushed back out to water, and seemed to dissolve the further away she got. It was getting dark...

I approached the gate. There were street lamps that being lit up, but by who I don't know... There were candles in the, so it must have been by someone... Anyway, I opened the gate and walked through. When I did, everything seemed strangely lit.

I entered the castle...

And felt compelled to explore. The details of the architecture were stunning; the floors and walls were meticulously decorated. I found myself wanting to go up and up the stairs, to the top floor.

I explored every bedroom. They were beautiful and lush, extravagant but simple. No one was with me, but I felt like I was being led, being shown around.

There were many crowns on display in the last room I entered. Was this the room of the monarchs, or of children who love to play dress-up and make-believe? Even if we are from different worlds, we aren't so different than each other... These were my thoughts as my eyes grew heavy.

I didn't even feel myself fall asleep, but I found myself suddenly waking up. I was in a vacant lot in my neighborhood, full of the just slightly strange atmosphere of the place I had just been. I got up, dusted myself off, and stepped on to the sidewalk. I realized, this was the side street I had turned off from, and this lot was the woman's lot who was having the yard sale.

The lot was empty though; even the strangeness had left it. I noticed I still had my new shoes though, and my key, and the bottle of dust the boat woman had given me. It was almost completely dark by now - not sure what to do, I went to complete my errand - I really wanted to buy some cupcakes from the bakery!

On my way home, I left one at the vacant lot.

How was your day?

Day One-hundred Thirty

2009-06-05T15:35:00.014-04:00

'Like my companion, who saw all that I saw of the first three lights, I formerly had always been a sceptic as to the existence of spirits; now I know that there is a spiritual world. My brother, a physician, had been equally sceptical until he saw, near our home at Listowel, similar lights containing spiritual beings and was obliged to admit the genuineness of the phenomena,

'In whatever country we may be, I believe that we are for ever immersed in the spiritual world; but most of us cannot perceive it on account of the unrefined nature of our physical bodies. Through meditation and psychical training one can come to see the spiritual world and its beings. We pass into the spirit realm at death and come back into the human world at birth; and we continue to reincarnate until we have overcome all earthly desires and mortal appetites. Then the higher life is open to our consciousness and we cease to be human; we become divine beings.'

'The beings whom I call the Sidhe, I divide, as I have seen them, into two great classes: those which are shining, and those which are opalescent and seem lit up by a light within themselves. The shining beings appear to be lower in the hierarchies; the opalescent beings are more rarely seen, and appear to hold the positions of great chiefs or princes among the tribes of Dana.'

'The first of these I saw I remember very clearly, and the manner of its appearance: there was at first a dazzle of light, and then I saw that this came from the heart of a tall figure with a body apparently shaped out of half-transparent or opalescent air, and throughout the body ran a radiant, electrical fire, to which the heart seemed the centre. Around the head of this being and through its waving luminous hair, which was blown all about the body like living strands of gold, there appeared flaming wing-like auras. From the being itself light seemed to stream outwards in every direction; and the effect left on me after the vision was one of extraordinary lightness, joyousness, or ecstasy.'

'At a wake I went out of doors at midnight and saw a woman running up and down the field with a strange light in her hand. I called out my daughter, but she saw nothing, though all the time the woman dressed in white was in the field, shaking the light and running back and forth as fast as you could wink.'

'Old people used to say the gentry were in the mountains; that is certain, but I never could be quite sure of it myself. One night, however, near midnight, I did have a sight: I set out from Bantrillick to come home, and near Ben Bulbin there was the greatest army you ever saw, five or six thousand of them in armour shining in the moonlight. A strange man rose out of the hedge and stopped me, for a minute, in the middle of the road. He looked into my face, and then let me go.'

'A young man at Drumcliffe was taken [in a trance state], and was with the Daoine Maithe some time, and then got back. Another man, whom I knew well, was haunted by the gentry for a long time, and he often went off with them.'

Have you ever been off with them? Walking in the forest one day at dusk, you might find yourself in the Wood between the Worlds, or maybe swimming in the ocean you'll suddenly be spirited away to the palace under the sea...

From: The Fairy-Faith in Celtic Countries

Welcome

2009-06-05T12:29:00.013-04:00

The old things will be kept and stashed away, in a box that hopefully won't collect too much dust... As for the new, welcome to the Phantasmagorium, a mindspace of wonder, morbidity, fantasy, beauty, a touch of surreality under the facade of mundanity. A vision, perhaps, of how we like to think of ourselves... This place is an attempt to grasp at that.

Pardon Our Dust

2009-06-01T13:48:00.003-04:00

A whole month... Well, it's been a busy month; finals and projects, a death in the family, work picking up, starting the (whirlwind) summer semester.. While I was having some trouble before keeping up, time really evaporated since then.

I'd like to keep this venture alive, so I apologize to anyone who may have missed it. I'm going to dust it off and rework it, in consideration of the demands and stresses of my life - I really do want to keep a log of the lighter side of life, but perhaps the format (daily), while good, isn't so good for me, at least not at the moment. So please stay tuned...

Day Ninety-five

2009-05-01T16:26:00.006-04:00

Whew! Sorry for the small hiatus, sometimes life has a way of creeping up on you, especially at this point in the semester.

Tuesday was my last day of normal classes. I took fourth and final test for my Philosophy class, so it was nice to get that out of the way. I also ate too much ice cream, which is both good and bad, but mostly good, I think!

The ice cream is my favorite kind, Party Cake ice cream.

Wednesday I tried out a new sushi joint! Even though it isn't the greatest thing for business for it to be slow, I like it when you go in to a place and it's just you and maybe one other person. That's how it was when I went to pick up some sushi to go. I sat at the bar and talked with the other customer and the sushi chef - they're going to be getting red bean paste ice cream in soon! The sushi was also delicious, and is closer than our favorite sushi joint in town, so we'll probably go there from now on.

Yesterday was a laid back kinda day. I procrastinated really badly on homework, I'll admit, by indulging in various sorts of guilty pleasures. No worries though. The weather has cooled down immensely from what it was, say, five or so days ago (from 95 to 60s-70s), so riding my bike hasn't been such a pain. I did a lot of bike riding the previous day so I took it easy before work. My little container garden is doing well - the pansies have exploded with growth and so have the tomato plants.

I love the little counter I put in to the right... I once let it go up to 50,000 steps - I don't know why it's fun, but it is.

Note

2009-04-30T00:30:00.003-04:00

Sorry for my absence, I guess I'm still feeling tired and I've been busy as well... I'll admit that yesterday I just plum forgot and right now I feel like I'm going to fall asleep at my laptop... Hopefully I'll be more together to recap tomorrow (not that anything particular is going on).

Day Ninety-two

2009-04-28T01:43:00.004-04:00

After a bike ride I stopped to fill up my water at the local health food store and grabbed an Alternative Baking Company chocolate chip cookie. It was absolutely perfect - if you've never had one, well, what are you waiting for?!

Day Ninety-one

2009-04-27T01:50:00.005-04:00

I'm fairly exhausted today from work (Sundays are my long days) - I drew a bath and soaked in some very hot water that I put some mineral salts in. If nothing else, they have a strange but pleasant smell (the package says they help relieve soreness and some other things).

As I was letting my dogs out I heard the cricket chorus. Still a little weak, but it's certainly getting there. There was also a bird - I'm not sure what kind - a nightingale? It sounded like it might be mimicking other birds... Sometimes it was very pretty, sometimes, not so elegant. It helped me relax all the same - there's some stress in life now, what with it being the end of the semester and some stuff coming up at work...

But now I'm going to go collapse into bed. I hope I dream tonight...

Day Ninety

2009-04-26T01:16:00.005-04:00

I volunteered to help build a community garden today. I got up early, rode my bike over there, and worked in the sun until about one. It's the first time I've ever put such effort into gardening - a full body effort, I guess; most of my own gardening has been gardening in pots on the balcony. The world's a different place in the earlier hours of the day...

It was surprisingly invigorating rather than draining - I had enough energy to make it through work unimpaired. I feel like I always hear about how the sun is bad for you, but I think there's something refreshing about just being in the sun for hours and hours - I know, I really throw caution to the wind.

I wish I had a plot, but there's already a waiting list for them, plus I'm not sure I could afford the fee (though it affords you a lot of stuff - access to their tools, compost, some other things... You really only need to bring plants!). Just creating, however, and being outside was enough for me, though.

Day Eighty-nine

2009-04-25T00:11:00.006-04:00

Today's been a productive day - I've been chipping away at school projects and whatnot... It's that time of the semester again.

I think I've entered a sort of Spring Fever - not as in an irrational craziness, but a fever like a dream or fog of the mind, where the unreal and real become confused. I feel more daydreamy and introverted lately, wanting to explore new nooks in my inner life.

I'm also in more of a movie mood. Above is a clip from probably the movie I love the most - secretly, because it hurts when people laugh at the things you love, and a lot of people tend to look down on anime (or maybe I just lack courage) - it's called Spirited Away. It very Shinto, I think, in it's orientation of nature and man's interaction with it, but at the same time Miyazaki has a way of making even very culturally specific things such as Shinto relatable to everyone. This movie always puts me at ease, and I really relate and take to heart the messages and feelings of the movie. It never fails to remind me of myself as a child, and of the dreams of childhood. As a child, I would talk to plants and even a rotting, fallen tree once... I'm not sure that I would say I was an animist as a child; somehow it doesn't seem proper to go back and intellectualize my fairly simple and naive worldview. I just was as I was.

Happy Friday (or now Saturday) everyone!

Day Eighty-eight

2009-04-23T23:51:00.003-04:00

Charity and volunteering are things I think the world needs more of. Yes, despite issues on the efficacy of aid and whatnot - at the end of the day, I think the effort people put forth to make change, and the belief that yes, they can bring positive change to the world, is absolutely invaluable and really, the foundation for any change to take place.

Maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion, but hearing about the "Majblomman" tradition over at the Lolita blog really warmed my heart - children volunteering to collect aid to help fight child poverty, and what they're selling to raise the money isn't some silly commercialized product or something that can be used as a status symbol - it's a simple paper flower, perfectly whimsical and hard to criticize. The world needs more of this!

Day Eighty-seven

2009-04-23T01:26:00.004-04:00

I hope everyone had a good Earth Day. I have to admit I didn't do anything unusually "Earth"y today - just checked over my garden, did my usual recycling, just the normal stuff. Although I did decide today to volunteer with a local community garden group that's making a new garden near where I live - I'd like to learn more about this sort of agricultural gardening (I don't want to really say "farming") before I attempt it myself someday.

Also, I love this episode of Rocko!

Day Eighty-six

2009-04-21T23:55:00.004-04:00

I would like to recommend In the Mood for Love for anyone wondering what to watch over the weekend.

Day Eighty-five

2009-04-20T23:00:00.004-04:00

Hmm, sixty days of recounting the small happinesses of my days. One thing about blogging, or journaling in general, is that you can get a very clear idea of how you've grown, and why. For me anyway, it's easy to forget some of these changes or where they came from. With this, I can always associate certain events or ideas with particular posts, even if I don't mention them.

One positive change I've noticed lately is that I've become more of an agent of action; a doer. Even if they're small, they're still me enacting a philosphy of simple living that appeals to me greatly - I'm not just thinking about and talking about abstracts, I'm successfully integrating a new paradigm into my life.

Today I made yogurt! Well, I guess it won't really be done until tomorrow, but all the same - it's something I've been meaning to do for a while. In fact, the yogurt maker I have was given to me as a high school graduating gift, and I used it all of twice before it became this appliance I just lugged around and would one day get back to. I used some unhomogenized milk and put some of my organic store bought yogurt in as a starter. I've had success with this brand before, so I think it'll turn out well.

While I was making the yogurt, a wonderful thundershower rolled through. I love the smell of the outdoors after the rain, and a raucous thundershower, complete with brief downpours, is definitely a highlight of the warmer weather.

Day Eighty-four

2009-04-20T00:51:00.004-04:00

Today I was happy when a coworker brought in a gift for me. A friend of hers handles, well, estates I suppose, and one estate he was given control of belonged to an elderly woman with, apparently, a lot of clothes. So my coworker, thinking of me (how sweet!) is given by her friend the lady's clothes and scarves. She sifted through them, seperated the wheat from the chaff as it were, and brought it in for me in a new tote to boot. I'm happy about this for more than the obvious reason too - I figured I wouldn't be able to get new clothes until December, so this was fortuitous as well as generous. I especially like the scarves - some of them look like scraps of material the lady cut out, so I'll need to sew the hems on some edges, but overall, they're very nice.

Day Eighty-three

2009-04-18T15:08:00.004-04:00

I just had the first one of the year... Delicious. Perfect thing after a bike ride, best enjoyed with a good view.

Day Eighty-two

2009-04-17T22:21:00.007-04:00

A comic I've been following for a little while now, Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life, is a very flaky sort. I mean, it's well done, entertaining, and I felt the story line really draw me in, so I read through all the strips as soon as I stumbled on this comic. And then - what? The flakiness (and I mean this in the best way possible :) ) comes in - generally speaking, the comic doesn't update for months (or half years) at a time. I check it periodically - once or so a month - and I did just today, to see that there were two, yes two new strips.

Not-web-related, I great today. I spent a lot of time outside - a little bit on my balcony, checking over my plants and planting a Thai basil plant (since my basil seeds never sprouted), and more significantly spending a few hours at the dog park. I love that feeling after you've been outside of residual sunshine - there's a heat left on your skin, but you aren't sunburned (at least, I hope not). Makes going to sleep easy.

It was also great because I ran into a friend that I've wanted to get in touch with but had lost a digit to her number. We chatted for a bit and I got her number, she's probably one of the better-liked people that I've met here in my years, so it was nice to bump into her and meet her dogs.

Day Eighty-one

2009-04-16T22:52:00.002-04:00

The weather was so nice today that I rode my bike to campus, despite it being a little chilly. The sun, the sky, the plants and bugs, everything was just calling out for me to come play... I couldn't exactly play, but riding my bike with an empty mine, simply appreciating what was going on around me, the colors and shapes, like I used to when I was younger by the pond, was nice. I think I really need to get more away time - when I was younger we lived on top of a hill, and at the bottom was some woods and a pond. I would always go there and just sit.

Some things are starting for me recently, and some things are ending. I guess that's what Spring is all about - dusting things off, discarding what is no longer needed, and most importantly, beginning!

Day Eighty

2009-04-16T01:49:00.004-04:00

I'll admit I've been in a heavy mood lately, and this just had me rolling. I haven't had cable for a while now, so I'm just hearing about this... It might be juvenile, but it's absolutely hilarious.

Day Seventy-nine

2009-04-15T00:48:00.003-04:00

Somtimes I don't feel like I'm really alive, in this world, in objective reality. I exist as a voyeur, with my thoughts wandering around in the fog of my mind, trying to penetrate and reach a clarity, a fresh state of mind where I can really feel. Not just feel as in, say, feelings, but feel a connectedness with the larger world - something I'm finding that I lack and very anxiously want.

While having an active imagination is great, it's no good to feel trapped by your dream world, turning you into a recluse. This may not seem like a "happy" post, but I'm glad I've had these realizations - I'm always trying to improve myself. My big obstacle is myself, I have zero sense of follow through and new habits are hard to break in. But I think with some reflection and dedication, I'll manage to bring about whatever changes I want for my life in order to be the person I want to be.

Day Seventy-eight

2009-04-13T23:54:00.005-04:00

I've spent today reading, both books and on my blog roll. There's my books for school on Kumari, and books for pleasure, and then the blogs... I love anything that challenges me. Perceptions of the world, of how world views are crafted, of people, events, speculations in more esoteric areas - anything critical that forces you, through the claims they make, to examine your life.

Blogs:

Therioshamanism, which is fairly "out there" wrt spiritual beliefs, is articulate, thorough, and very fascinating (given my pet interest in shamanic practices, asceticism, and esoteric spirituality in general)
Wronging Rights, a biting criticism of popular conceptions of humanitarian crises, the media, and the nature of aid, all while managing to be extremely funny

It's important to read before going to bed, so you can give yourself some dreaming material.

To follow up on the almond cake I made: everyone loved it! It had the consistency of pound cake, but wasn't extremely sweet either, and had a pleasing almond flavor - not too weak or too strong. I served it with whipped cream on the side, which helped to cut through and contrast the denseness of the cake.

Day Seventy-seven

2009-04-12T02:16:00.005-04:00

Happy Easter everybody! It's going to be an extremely busy day for me, since Easter is a big brunch holiday. I can finally eat sweets though (since I gave up white sugar for Lent), so I'm very excited - my boyfriend already gave me a Reeses, haha. Hopefully before the insanity begins there will be time for some of my coworkers to have some cake with me.

Day Seventy-six

2009-04-11T14:58:00.005-04:00

The cake just came out of the oven... The bottom stuck a bit but I think it'll be okay. I just need to frost it now, I think I'll do that with whipped cream since the cake looks fairly dense.

While I was waiting for the cake to bake, instead of devoting all my time to say, school work, I divided it between the cute games at SNUT.

Day Seventy-five

2009-04-10T23:21:00.006-04:00

Today was a relaxing, do-nothing sort of day. I did some reading, took a long nap, bought some very pretty marigolds to plant in my hanging planter, played lots of tug-of-war with my dogs... And, unintentionally but appropriately enough, had sushi for dinner (since it's Good Friday, I guess you're supposed to eat fish?).

Tomorrow before work I'm going to make an almond cake, and type up some stuff... But for now, sleep.

Day Seventy-four

2009-04-09T23:04:00.006-04:00

A research project for my class has (to my surprise) led me to a personal connection of sorts. I'm doing my project on Kumari, who are believed to be living emanations of the goddess Taleju (more commonly known as Durga). She is a fierce warrior goddess, who was created by the gods as they released their energies upon Shiva's wife Parvati in frustration (the world was being overtaken by a demon that they could not defeat).

Because she came from Parvati, she is considered a more fierce form of her, and she is also considered an aspect of Kali (all three of these being associated as Shiva's consort). Really though, it seems all goddesses are connected as aspects of Devi, that is, the (universal) divine female principle.

The name Durga (according to Wikipedia, ha) means "the inaccesible" or "the invincible." I'm not sure what Taleju means in the Nepalese dialect (which is the concern of my project, as Kumari are a Nepalese phenomena), but the Hindu name is at least telling. Given my predilections - towards stoicism, and towards melancholy and distance, but at the same time with this desire for compassion towards others - I find her an appealing figure. As befitting a fierce warrior goddess, she is unafraid, supremely confident, capable, but always laughing and in good humor (even in the heat of battle). Besides this, she is self-sufficient (the translation of the concept svātantrya) and embodies "fierce compassion."

Really the Wiki stuff doesn't provide the most direct (or perhaps accurate?) impression of Durga. Reading the autobiography of a former royal Kumari, From Goddess to Mortal, she describes how she felt, being the goddess after all - her reactions, her calm demeanor, her sense of duty, compassion, and power. Like this, for example:

Though the same ceremony is repeated every morning, and I no longer pay attention, I never get bored or fidgety, but simply sit there in my stony-faced way. I know that I am a goddess, that this is the way a goddess is treated and this is the way she behaves.

...but I understand that because they will leave an offering on a small pillar in the courtyard, I have a duty to show myself at the window, just as I understand that I have a duty not to smile when I am there.

I know that I will be able to cure him if I want to, though since he is not a child, I am not particularly interested ... There was no question of my not accepting his puja. Though children are the only ones I really care about, I have no hostile feeling towards anyone, not even the irritable priest whom I enjoy tormenting (more like "playing pranks on" in case you were wondering), and am happy enough for him to be cured.

I am not sure at what age I first began to notice feeling different whenever the naga necklace was put on, but wearing it I suddenly felt myself to be in some way apart from and superior to the people around me, and I never felt like talking to anyone. Nor did I ever feel like smiling. It is not actually true that Kumari is forbidden to smile, but once she is dressed up with the naga necklace on, it would never occur to her.

There's something so appealing about this combination of young girls (the Kumari are aged 4-12 generally) and this fierce warrior. It's strangely attractive and fascinating, for me at least because of my own interest in (attatchment to?) childhood but also in becoming a more confident person, and I hope I presented this topic in the full vibrancy and color that I get from it.

Day Seventy-three

2009-04-09T00:02:00.003-04:00

I'm back home from my excursion up north to visit my family and friends. Even though it was brief, it was nice to see them again, and just relax at my parent's place - while I've been away, they replaced the old bed in my room with queen size bed... Very grand compared to what I was sleeping on before, and very warm and comfortable... My mom made some (dark) curtains for the room too, so I didn't want to wake up this morning.

My friend and I belatedly exchanged Christmas presents. She got me this funny little keychain and a little flower pressing kit, which was actually very thoughtful of her since lately I've been thinking I should press flowers... I might try pressing some of the flowers I planted, or I might go back out to Maymont and collected flowers from their various gardens once they're all in bloom.

Here's the commercial that was pretty much convinced my friend to get it, since it's so hilarious:

Day Seventy-two

2009-04-08T10:22:00.005-04:00

The end of yesterday got surprisingly crowded, so I didn't get a chance to update. I went to a (very interesting) lecture and then drove upstate to visit my family - I ended up watching a Will Ferrel (as George Bush) comedy special with my brother. My parents have a house out in the woods, unfortunately they haven't begun to grow leaves but it's still a very nice atmosphere. My mom made some new curtains for my room, so it's hard to get up in the morning (since it's so dark and my sheets are so warm, haha).

Day Seventy-one

2009-04-06T13:35:00.004-04:00

I found a promsing recipe for a starter dough for bread. Wouldn't that be great? To bake your own bread every day or two? It's not exactly like it says ("five minutes a day") but it still looks fairly quick.

I'm really glad it rained today - it made the landscape look positively bursting with color by comparison.The dark brown barks and gray skies really set off the new leaves, making them look neon green along with the delicately tinted flowers. While I was driving back to my apartment, I enjoyed the view of the trees on either side, with their branches arching, in the manner of colors I just described.

Day Seventy

2009-04-05T23:31:00.007-04:00

Finally, it's skirt-wearing weather! I managed to wear one yesterday, and have been thinking up outfits today with my skirts and new tops. It's funny, I'm really hot or cold with skirts - last year I hardly wore them. I have a feeling this year will be very skirt-intensive.

It's a little cliche, but lately there's definitely been a sort of Vivaldi "Spring" feeling in the air:

Day Sixty-nine

2009-04-03T22:30:00.006-04:00

Well, I've figured out a recipe for body butter, based on a 60% butter 40% oil formulation I heard:

4oz cocoa butter
40z shea butter
4 oz sweet almond oil
1oz tamanu oil (maybe? it's a bit pricey...)
1oz vit e oil (as a preservative, if I don't use tamanu oil)
maybe some essential oil, to scent it like either vanilla or almond (or both?)

I'm wondering if I shouldn't include beeswax, since I see that in a lot of recipes... If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!

I just spent the last hour or so walking to the local organic market and back. On the way back I stopped at a yard sale and picked up some silk scarves to wear in my hair (finally!) since it's going to need some sort of cover as it grows... It's about 70 degrees and breezy, I wore a skirt for the first time all year I think, it goes down to my knees and I love it when it moves around in the wind.

I want to take a nap in the sun now.

Day Sixty-eight

2009-04-03T21:13:00.004-04:00

I'm head over heels for Everyday Minerals. They have a wonderful sampler where you can get five samples (3 foundations, 1 blush/eyeshadow/whatever, 1 concealer) for only the cost of shipping ($3 or so). The pigmentation is great, and it's fairly durable (that is to say, it lasts a good while). I just got my little sampler a few days ago, but I've already picked out more stuff I want... Haha, but I'm going to try and hold back. For me anyway, I figure it's not good to just rush headlong into a big buying spree (even if it's only $3), because, well, it's sort of like gorging on desserts... At the end of it you aren't satisfied, and in fact I tend to be disappointed in myself (especially now, since I'm trying to simplify). All I really want is this particular blush anyway... (I just want to play with colors!)

In other news, I have big plans to bake an almond cake for Easter. I'm not particularly religious, or even Catholic, but despite that I gave up sugar for Lent - mostly in the form of desserts or drinks (sometimes it's hard to cut out totally, there's even sugar in some peanut butters!). I'm so excited, I really think it'll turn out awesome! I'm going to bring it in to work to share with everyone, there's no way my boyfriend and I could eat it by ourselves.

Day Sixty-seven

2009-04-02T21:11:00.004-04:00

This song has been stuck in my head all day. So has the idea, the concept, of "love." Love isn't just a wonderful and powerful emotion that acts on a person; Love is a state of mind, something a person can do, something a person can give, something a person can be. I don't talk about it much, but for a while now I've had the goal of being a "vessel of Love" (I forget where I first saw that, but it really stuck), and have been pursuing this goal with, well, not much success so far, but enthusiasm. It requires a lot of reflection and introspection - which I'm good at! - and then, determination and action to create the necessary changes and adjustments - which I'm not as good at.

For me anyway, I can't think on this topic of Love without coming to philosophical and cosmological sorts of questions - for example, talking about Love as I am reminds me of a Platonic Form. I wouldn't say I'm a neo-Platonist... I don't know, and if nothing else, maintaining a beginner's mind has proved to open lots of pathways for investigation... The answers, I guess, are already there: all you need is love, for example. Go where your heart, or intuition takes you - since I had and continue to have such a strong reaction and urge towards the "vessel of Love" idea...

Day Sixty-six

2009-04-01T14:10:00.006-04:00

So I made my chai tea today! I modified a recipe I found here. I accidentally used a bit too much milk, which weakened the flavor, but otherwise I thought it was good... I think it was a nice, strong brew. Here's roughly how I did it:

1 tsp cardamom, ground
pinch or two of black pepper, ground
1 cinnamon stick
2 star anise pods
11 whole cloves
1/8 tsp caraway seeds
2 bay leaves

Place in 4 cups water, bring to a boil, boil for 5 minutes, cut off water and cover the pot, steep for 10 minutes

1 bag darjeeling tea

Add this to the infusion, then bring water back to a boil, then cut off again, cover again and let steep for 10 minutes

4 tablespoons? honey
1 cup? milk

I didn't actually measure this part out... But I think the honey is about right (that part is really to taste). Stir in the honey first, and make sure it's dissolved before adding the milk. I just poured it straight in, and knew it was too much when I saw the color (too light). Maybe I'll actually measure it next time!

I'd say this makes about two mugs or so. Maybe I should have followed the recipe more fully and used the full amount? But there's only two people here, and my boyfriend didn't like it. Personally I thought it was a great pick-me-up - easy to make, quick, and hot and tasty (good for cloudy, gloomy days that threaten rain). I had mine with a light salad.

Food, very reliably I think, has the ability to instantly take the lucky eater to their happy place. To me, food is not just a transitory, sensual pleasure! It's a pleasure for the mind as well!

Day Sixty-five

2009-03-31T21:47:00.006-04:00

Let's see, today I...

Did yoga
Went to my classes
Finally went to a local farmer's market - it's not officially opened, but there were still sellers
Planted what I bought at market (a strawberry plant and two varieties of tomatoes)
Baked a cake (funfetti, pink icing, in the shape of a star)
Took a nap

And, I think before bed, I will...

Do some homework
Watch Devdas

Day Sixty-four

2009-03-30T13:23:00.005-04:00

I was once told by someone that they "always felt decadent" when we would hang out, because of the foods I kept around, and the sensual pleasure I took from eating them. I love to share them! Whether it was bread, cheese, an interesting juice or nut butter... The best things I think are twists or refinements on familiar things; almond butter? Of course! But I never thought of that...

There was a New York Times article I was reading that I think sums up my attitude lately: with the economy so unsettled, people want to control what they can. Choosing organic, less processed or so-called natural foods is a relatively inexpensive way to do that. Not to get on a soap box, but I think the way we choose to spend our money is important - what brands, companies, and by extension, policies or ideologies you support is important. Even in small ways, which really aren't so small if they effect you and your quality of life, are they?

(I've gathered most of the ingredients to make chai tea and will hopefully be able to this week!)

Day Sixty-three

2009-03-30T00:41:00.003-04:00

One thing I always look forward too when I get home from my long Sundays is looking at Post Secret. Here's a few that I particularly liked:

Day Sixty-two

2009-03-28T14:31:00.005-04:00

I just got through doing some scrubbing in the bathroom, sweeping, washing the dishes, and in general tidying up. It's nice to walk into a room and have everything be radiant; sparkling and clean. I'll admit that living in a clean space is sort of a relief, or a pick-me-up when you come home from a bad day. It just looks good.

I also tried using vinegar on my hair and face today - 20% apple cider vinegar to 80% water. I can't yet if it's done much for my face, but my hair already feels so silky and smooth. I'll definitely do it every day, after I shampoo.

Day Sixty-one

2009-03-27T14:36:00.002-04:00

We shouldn't give up on our childhood dreams when we leave childhood - when we become adults, we should transform them, beyond what we could have fathomed as children, into something greater, more beautiful, but at heart, the same dream.

When we grow up, maybe that's just what we should do with our childhood selves, too.

Day Sixty

2009-03-26T23:25:00.004-04:00

Stuff that cheered me up on a cold, rainy day, when I wasn't feeling well to begin with: hot tea, dry clothes, playing with my dogs, going to bed early.

Day Fifty-nine

2009-03-25T23:11:00.004-04:00

Maybe it's because I'm pretty broke (thank you, economy!) but lately I've been more interested in going green (in the more serious, diy way and not the "replace bad product with green product, continue consuming as usual" way). Besides feeling, well, like you matter in the big picture and can really make a difference through your individual efforts - basically, being actualizing and giving your self-sufficiency - I like how this version of the green movement can put you into contact with all manner of strange things. Like soap nuts.

While I was out running errands today, I finally picked up a pumice stone. I've always worked on my feet, so I think this sort of consistent attention to them will be very good. I can tell you, my feet actually feel better after being soaked and scrubbed... Like, the circulation is better. Good $3 to have spent.

Day Fifty-eight

2009-03-24T22:42:00.007-04:00

I had some chai tea today, and was reminded of a goal list I made a while ago, a 101 things in 1001 days list. One of them was to "make my own tea blend," inspired by a cute Ghibli movie I saw a while ago.

I've enjoyed chai tea since I first had it; sure, I've always had the Americanized style, probably all hopped up on sugar and artificial flavorings, but nonetheless... Maybe I've fallen for a sort of "neo-Orientalism" that seems popular lately, but it's nice to try and experience something that is strictly foreign. Helps me feel better about not traveling - you can bring the world to you if you can't go out into the world. Except, I realized, duh, the chai I get from the coffee shop is NOT this sort of "foreign" experience I want.

Then I realized, of course! Look up the recipe and make it yourself! So I'm going to experiment and come up with my own chai blend. Most recipes include cardamom, cinnamon, fresh ginger, cloves, with a base of strong black tea, water, and whole milk. Some have mint, some avoid aromatic herbs altogether... I think I might like putting in some vanilla as well. When I figure it out, I'll let you know...

PS: I took my bath yesterday, and it's everything I could have wanted!

Day Fifty-seven

2009-03-23T12:02:00.007-04:00

I think today I need to break out my salts and take a bath! I'm sore, so I really think it would be therapeutic. Maybe I could borrow some petals from the flowers I just planted... Read and listen to something moving (Art in Fugue? Maybe that's too serious...)

It's good not to be too serious!

Day Fifty-six

2009-03-22T08:51:00.003-04:00

I decided, very early on, just to accept life unconditionally; I never expected it to do anything special for me, yet I seemed to accomplish far more than I had ever hoped. Most of the time it just happened to me without my ever seeking it. Audrey Hepburn

It will take quite a long time before you find your calm, serene mind in your practice. Many sensations come, many thoughts or images arise, but they are just waves of your own mind. Nothing comes from outside your mind. Usually we think of our mind as receiving impressions and experiences from outside, but that is not a true understand of out mind. The true understanding is that the mind includes everything; when you think something comes from o utside it means only that something appears in your mind. Nothing outside yourself can cause any trouble. You yourself make the waves in your mind. If you leave your mind as it is, it will become calm. This mind is called big mind. Shunryu Suzuki

An Elder said: Cut off from yourself rash confidence, and control your tongue and your belly, and abstain from wine. And if anyone speak to you about any matter do not argue with him. But if he speaks rightly, say: Yes. If he speaks wrongly say to him: You know what you are saying. But do not argue with him about the things he has said. Thus your mind will be at peace. The Wisdom of the Desert

Day Fifty-five

2009-03-21T11:59:00.005-04:00

I revived an old habit of mine this morning: yoga.

In my junior and senior years of high school, I was a work-out fiend. I'd wake up at about 5 am so I could break a good sweat, shower, eat a big breakfast (a habit I never lost), and go off to school. At some point in there, doing to elliptical machine was just too much (easy as I found it, it becomes tiresome to just stare at the wall... plus, you're just moving around in the same way all the time, so my legs started to get cramps), so I turned on the fitness channel that came with the new tv package we were getting. I can't for the life of me remember the name of the program, or even the woman who ran it (I really think it was "Sarah Ivanhoe" but the woman I get when I search that isn't the same...). It was a wonderful program; the lady had a perfect voice, it went at a good pace, and it showed variety in both practitioners (young and old, men and women, etc) and in poses. I greatly appreciated that it didn't feel rushed or over-sexed wrt casting.

Unfortunately, after I moved out I didn't get that channel and couldn't find, say, a DVD or VHS or something of this program. So I gradually fell out of the habit... Since a lot of other yoga instructors I find to be too abrasive, or fast, or they don't focus hardly at all on breathing, or whenever I'd look up to see what my posture should be like, I'd get a close up of the instructor's - well, you get the idea.

I've had, for a while, on DVD I thought was pretty good - Yoga Shakti with Shiva Rea. She moves a bit fast, but the exercises were good and the chapters could be ordered around so you can sort of "customize" the routine. I hadn't been doing it for various reasons - not enough space in my apartment, and my dogs would get in the way, and eventually (after I moved to a new apartment with more space) I had just forgotten about it. Until now!

I have to say, I always found yoga to help me wake up in the morning, and feel more energetic throughout the day, and most importantly, help me focus - it sort of leaves you with a sense of clarity in your mind, and the ability to concentrate (I reckon this comes from the complete awareness in yoga that you have to have of your body, and your breath).

Day Fifty-four

2009-03-20T16:12:00.008-04:00

To celebrate the first day of Spring, I planted pansies in my flowerboxes (one has purple and red/yellow, the other has periwinkle and orange), as well as a creeping perennial with the most wonderful small, blue flowers in a pot (seriously, they almost seem... iridescent, they're beautiful). That one I'll put out back, where the sun isn't as harsh, and I can pass by it every day as I go out.

Day Fifty-three

2009-03-19T22:17:00.005-04:00

I went to go see a lecture today. There's something about the spoken word, and gesturing, inflection, expression, posture, clothing... It really creates an entirely different feeling to learning and interacting, something so much worthwhile, I think, than internet interactions (although this isn't to say that these aren't worthwhile) - it's visceral, and satisfying (even to just watch someone and listen) in a way that I find internet learning to leave me feeling somewhat emptier - perhaps I'm lacking some sort of context to this onslaught of information? Or maybe I just crave feeling a connection?

Voice can be such a powerful and beautiful sound (certainly, a part of beauty has something to do with voice, or speech). Truly wonderful voices are precious and, I think, an absolute pleasure to listen to, especially when giving life to eloquent sentiments. Deliberate without being contrived or forced, powerful, clear, and utterly confident.

I love Charlton Heston's voice, and think he utilizes it to great effect. It was hard just picking one clip... Honestly. Besides this, I also love two Planet of the Apes clips ("get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty apes!" and "It's a madhouse! A madhouse!") and all of Ben-Hur (probably my all time favorite movie). I've also heard him reading a passage from the Jurassic Park novel, and frankly I think it sounds mesmerizing. You could definitely criticize it as being sort of... theatrical, but I think, that's the point, and that's why I like it.

Day Fifty-two

2009-03-18T17:21:00.004-04:00

Tea, I think, is just such a versatile beverage. Not to mention, some of the best flatware seems to come from tea, and, I think, a pretty fun ritual of "tea time" and a peculiar style of restaurant, the "tea room." I love the trays, and the finger sandwiches, with tea to go with your savory hors d'oeuvres and dessert tea to go with your sweets.

I've always wanted to make my own loose tea blend, but I don't know where I could go to buy various unblended loose teas to experiment. I hope there's somewhere around here like that...

My favorite teas:
PG Tips
Rooibos teas from the Republic of Tea, esp. get gorgeous (though all the "gets" are pretty good)
Tea from my favorite tea room in the area

(Psst! I think my favorite is the black saucer towards the center, with the little bulbs of color in the corners!)

Day Fifty-one

2009-03-17T08:51:00.005-04:00

I think one of the best simple pleasures, one that I was going without for a long time, is milk. The reason I wouldn't drink it is because I couldn't afford the good stuff. I at the very least only want to drink organic milk - I mean, I can't afford organic in other areas, but for whatever reason, it's just an intolerable thought for me to drink regular milk (for starters, it doesn't taste as good). My most favorite milk in the whoooole world is the creamline (that is, unhomogenized) whole milk from Homestead Creamery. It has the most amazing taste and texture of any milk out there, I think. Barring that, lately I've been budgeting so that I can get a gallon of organic milk.

It's funny, I feel pretty strongly about whole milk. I used to drink it constantly as a child, but when I got older I switched over to the more adult skim milk. Looking back, I'm not sure how I was kidding myself that skim drinkable! Hahaha, I jest.

I love a glass of milk in the morning, with a small bowl of yogurt! Also, with a chocolate cupcake with thick icing... Or a bowl of berries.

Day Fifty

2009-03-16T10:41:00.005-04:00

One of my favorite scents, and flavors, is vanilla. I think it unfairly gets a bad rap - "that's so vanilla," like it's dull or boring. Personally, I like its pleasing, mild flavor, and versatility. It can be childish (vanilla sugar cookies, vanilla cake, vanilla ice cream) and a bit more sophisticated (vanilla mousse, vanilla creme brulee) and flat out bizarre (vanilla... milk?). Not to mention, it's a vital part of many dessert recipes generally, and chocolate!

Especially as a scent, it can make your mouth water, or be luxurious without being foodie, subtly sweet and hypnotic. I really do love vanilla, and here are some of my favorite vanilla scents:

Vanille Extreme (Comptoir Sud Pacifique)
Vanilla Extasy (Montale)
Vanille Absolu (Montale)
Amande Sucree (Sinfonia di Note)

And a few scents that are on my wishlist...

Madera (Omnia Profumo)
Note Vanillee (M. Micallef)
Amber Vanilla (Regina Harris)

Day Forty-nine

2009-03-16T00:19:00.004-04:00

Sorry for being a bit late today... Sundays are the days I work all day, so getting to this can be tough. Anyway!

I just confirmed today that I'm going to do something that I'm actually scared to do, even though I'm volunteering. It's part of my goal to build self confidence. The event itself isn't until April 10th, but the first meeting is on Friday, and well, I'm pretty nervous. Everyone there seems to know each other pretty well, or be doing this with friends, and I'll be doing this by myself, and I'm not always the best at warming up to people right away or making friends really fast... Plus I've never done it before, and other people there have... But I'm sure it'll be fine if I just keep a clear head.

Day Forty-eight

2009-03-13T22:44:00.007-04:00

I was out walking, and couldn't help but notice all the new flowers - violet, blue, yellow, white... So lovely; just bursting with vitality and life, but demure about it. Flowers tend to be mysterious like that, I wouldn't think for a second that a flower is really so shy. Then again, maybe that's why they're so beautiful - they don't realize it themselves! (Personally, I think that's the best kind of beauty - the unassuming, unpretentious kind)

I was inspired - I think I'll have to plant some flowers in my two flower boxes, one of each color, so I have a rainbow.

I was going to put a potted aloe plant in the middle

Day Forty-seven

2009-03-13T12:04:00.006-04:00

It's sleeting/raining outside, hahaha the weather lately has been totally crazy and unpredictable.

Here, an important message:

For me, I don't think my face is very expressive - I work in hospitality, so I do a lot of smiling, but they aren't real smiles, they're "it's my job to smile now!" smiles. I don't know, then, because they aren't heartfelt, that they're big enough, or obvious enough, or come through on my inexpressive face. Or, really, any subtle change in my face, I might furrow my brow ever so slightly, but I wonder if anyone notices the little change in expression. Really, I think things like facial expressions and posture and hand gestures are very important, and I immediately notice them in other people. I wonder if people do the same with me, and what they read from that... I wonder if it's the things I want to say; probably not, things like posture and gesture tend to say, maybe along with what you want to say, things you really didn't mean to say.

Hm, maybe I'll start keeping a record in my moleskine of what makes me smile everyday - write it down immediately, "such and such". Or at least, when I'm able to get to it. I guess I have a secret, something that makes me smile every time - but I can't talk about it, it's a little weird! Although I'm sure a lot of people feel that way - but secret pleasures are somehow more fun than pleasures that are out in the open.

Day Forty-six

2009-03-12T11:25:00.005-04:00

With Spring on its way my appetite for fruit is growing. Bananas suddenly seem too dull. I want peaches, berries, plums, clementines, oranges, cherries...

When you pick them yourself, fresh from the plant, it's hard to decide what's your favorite. I don't think I could say pineapple (being imported and unripe) is my favorite anymore; I think I like peaches (from the orchard about an hour away, picked with my sister) better.

Day Forty-five

2009-03-11T14:29:00.002-04:00

I love this.

Day Forty-four

2009-03-10T20:19:00.005-04:00

Today there were a few firsts: the first day of me riding my bike this year, and the first day of me ever riding a bike with heels. It mostly went well - but as I was riding towards campus someone shouted out to me "your tire in the back is almost flat!" There's a bikeshop near campus, and the guy working there was nice enough to let me use the pump (and then, since I didn't really pump it full enough, to pump more air into it... yea, pretty absent-minded). To say thank you I bought him some coffee and a vegan peanut butter cup from a local vegetarian/vegan coffee shop. All in all, not such a bad day.

Day Forty-three

2009-03-09T12:43:00.007-04:00

Right now I'm a fan of bold color.

Originally from Google Reader? I don't know where it's from...

Originally from here.

Originally from here.

Originally from here.

Originally from here.

On another note, it's a windy 80 degrees here. Last Monday I was scrambling around town because of icy roads and snow, trying to find an internet connection. It's a bit disorientating, when you realize how quickly things change (that in fact, stillness is so rare it seems more believable to say that there never really was such a thing...)

Day Forty-two

2009-03-08T09:32:00.004-04:00

Originally from here.

Yesterday I saw the first bee and the first butterfly of the new year. I think it's safe to say now that Spring really is on the way. I went out for an afternoon walk with my dogs, which I find is always very grounding. Now, I'm anticipating the new leaves to unfurl on the trees - they're prettiest in their first week, when they're still a bright, almost neon or lime green. Especially after it rains - then the bark of the tree gets so dark, the new leaves look like they're glowing.

Day Forty-one

2009-03-07T10:04:00.005-05:00

I love this video! I love the song too, and the band, back then..

The Minute Waltz, which is such a fun, mischievous sort of piece, is accelerated in this playing, making it even more fun I think.

I heard about this band, The Bird and the Bee, on NPR not to long ago. I love the dreamy quality to their music and vocals.

Day Forty

2009-03-06T13:00:00.005-05:00

Originally from here.

I just woke up, and it's nearly 1 o' clock. I have to say, it feels pretty good. The weather outside is fabulous, a complete 180 from Monday - it's a breezy 60 degrees, and it's going to get warmer. I think I'll eat some yogurt, take a shower, and go out to the library.

Day Thirty-nine

2009-03-05T09:05:00.004-05:00

Originally from here.

'The folk are the grandest I have ever seen. They are far superior to us, and that is why they are called the gentry. They are not a working class, but a military-aristocratic class, tall and noble-appearing. They are a distinct race between our own and that of spirits, as they have told me. Their qualifications are tremendous. "We could cut off half the human race, but would not," they said, "for we are expecting salvation." And I knew a man three or four years ago whom they struck down with paralysis. Their sight is so penetrating that I think they could see through the earth. They have a silvery voice, quick and sweet. The music they play is most beautiful. They take the whole body and soul of young and intellectual people who are interesting, transmuting the body to a body like their own. I asked them once if they ever died, and they said, "No; we are always kept young." Once they take you and you taste food in their palace you cannot come back. You are changed to one of them, and live with them for ever. They are able to appear in different forms. One once appeared to me, and seemed only four feet high, and stoutly built. He said, "I am bigger than I appear to you now. We can make the old young, the big small, the small big." One of their women told all the secrets of my family...'

Originally from here.

'As children we were always afraid of fairies, and were taught to say "God bless them! God bless them!" whenever we heard them mentioned.

'In our family we always made it a point to have clean water in the house at night for the fairies.

'If anything like dirty water was thrown out of doors after dark it was necessary to say "Hugga, hugga salach!" as a warning to the fairies not to get their clothes wet.

'Untasted food, like milk, used to be left on the table at night for the fairies. If you were eating and food fell from you, it was not right to take it back, for the fairies wanted it. Many families are very serious about this even now. The luckiest thing to do in such cases is to pick up the food and eat just a speck of it and then throw the rest away to the fairies.

'Ghosts and apparitions are commonly said to live in isolated thorn-bushes, or thorn-trees. Many lonely bushes of this kind have their ghosts. For example, there is Fanny's Bush, Sally's Bush, and another I know of in County Sligo near Boyle.'

Originally from here.

I think my passion for these sorts of fairy tales has been reawakened, in part thanks to finding some wonderful websites.

SurLaLune Fairy Tales
Folktexts
Internet Sacred Text Archive
Folklore, Myth and Legend
Folklore and Mythology
Fairylore
Irish Literature, Mythology, Folklore, and Drama

What I've been gorging on lately is a book: The Fairy-Faith in Celtic Countries, written in 1911. I think, as far as fairy tales go, this 'style' is one of my favorites - that of the eyewitness account.

Day Thirty-eight

2009-03-03T10:51:00.011-05:00

Since I'm growing out my hair, I was poking around online for hair-growing tips, which then turned in to looking at general beauty tips. Here's some of my favorites:

Smile daily. You'll reveal a new you. wikiHow

Originally from here.

We’ve found that one of the greatest ways to have a magnetic and attractive personality is to be passionate about something. Why Passion Is So Attractive

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. Audrey Hepburn

Originally from here.

Exercise, eat properly, and drink plenty of water. wikiHow

You shall make a full-body massage an integral part of your day. The Ten Commandments for Naturally Beautiful Skin

And most importantly:

Originally from here.

Day Thirty-seven

2009-03-03T10:19:00.006-05:00

Originally from here.

I feel like such a kid - my night class got canceled today! I don't have to rush to do research for my presentation! Hurray! Although as far as I can tell none of my other classes were canceled today, oh well, no matter. (Sidenote: I'd say one of the best times of my life was during the "Blizzard of '96" - school was canceled for a week, and the snow was up to my waist.)

Originally from here.

You know, since I have electricity now I think I'll make peanut butter toast, and have both milk and orange juice with it. And I should munch on the rest of those berries, and maybe an apple. There's something about winter days that really brings out my appetite.

Day Thirty-six

2009-03-02T14:08:00.006-05:00

Originally from here.

It snowed last night! The town was completely unprepared, so the roads are a slushy mess today. It's fun to drive around and see people out of their houses - making snow creatures (my favorite was the giant snow lizard), walking their dogs, and in general making the best of these strange circumstances (I'll say, I've never been without power for so long).

Everything looks so wonderful outside. For a day at least, the world is entirely new, dressed in its finest, most pure white. I'm sitting in the commons, and can hear other people talking about this too - "it's like you're frozen in time" - this sort of weather brings out the child and would-be poet in everyone.

Haha, so much for my "happy Spring" last post... But I'll take a late Winter over none at all!

Day Thirty-five

2009-03-01T09:18:00.005-05:00

Originally from here.

Right now I'm eating berries with milk. Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries and strawberries, with some creamline milk. I got the idea from hearing about people eating berries with cream, and while this isn't as rich as I'm sure that is, it's nonetheless great. The cool, smooth milk and the bright, sweet berries complement each other nicely.

Originally from here.

Happy March! Spring is almost here!

Day Thirty-four

2009-02-28T00:22:00.005-05:00

I love long, beautiful hair. Especially red hair - and it's nice to see how their outfits are coordinated too, for inspiration and ideas of what works.

Originally from here.

Originally from here.

Originally from here.

I have quite a long way to go - I'm growing my hair out from a 2.5" pixie cut. The journey is the destination though, right?

Day Thirty-three

2009-02-27T13:04:00.006-05:00

Originally from here.

I think generosity can be one of the greatest ways to experience happiness. Sort of that idea of losing to find - you lose yourself in others, in acts of giving and kindness, in order to find yourself (or realize yourself all along) and happiness.

Right now I'm trying to think of something to do for my boyfriend, who is somewhat depressed. I found two dollars and I'm trying to think of something small to get him, or something small to do for him, that isn't ordinary or expected - some way to penetrate his gloomy worldview with something bright, and a reminder that he's loved.

He's not the type to usually be optimistic or sentimental though, so this will be challenging! I want to move him, just a little bit.

I think I'll update this when I do figure it out, it may not be today... Still, it's fun to surprise people, to think about them and making them happy...

PS: I love it when the weather is just right, and I can leave my balcony door open without it getting too hot or too cold. I love the smell it brings to the apartment, you can't beat the feeling of fresh air!

Originally from here.

Day Thirty-two

2009-02-26T09:02:00.005-05:00

Originally from here.

Today, it's something simple. When I've settled down in bed, and I'm drifting off to sleep, and my dogs curl up next to me, and rest their heads on my back or my legs, or lay down next to me on the pillow... I have to admit, my heart melts a little.

Day Thirty-one

2009-02-25T10:09:00.005-05:00

Originally from here.

There's something appealing about secrets and solitude. Keeping secrets is a great habit of mine, maybe almost to the point of vice - I would say it's been to my detriment in the past. The things that touched me the most, that I was attracted to, things that I thought were most beautiful - I always kept that to myself. That was the only way to protect them, and myself. Unfortunately, that means I was never really able to explore them in a meaningful way at the time, I could only admire them; read about them, listen and look when no one was around, but not appear to others to have a great interest.

Having a secret is, for me, like breathing some vitality into life. While I wasn't born looking to cultivate secrets, over the years I've come to appreciate and then enjoy what they are. Secrets are self-indulgent and very fragile, and must be treated with care. Their nature seems somewhat ambivalent - most people think having any sort of secret is like lying, that you must be hiding something bad or be doing something wrong. That's not entirely the case; sometimes, like me, you look to have secrets to fill your solitude.

Master of the Universe, grant me the ability to be alone.
May it be my custom to go outdoors each day among the trees and grasses,
Among all growing things,
There to be alone and enter into prayer.
There may I express all that is in my heart,
Talking with Him to whom I belong.
And may all grasses, trees and plants
Awake at my coming.
Send the power of their life into my prayer,
Making whole my heart and my speech through the life and spirit of growing things,
Made whole by their transcendent Source.
Oh! That they wound enter my prayer!
Then would I fully open my heart in prayer, supplication and holy speech;
Then, O God, would I pour out the words of my heart before Your Presence.
Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav

Solitude is by no means intrinsically bad; in fact, I enjoy it when I am alone, either in my apartment or in a crowd. Especially in a crowd, it provides a certain freedom. You are at your most natural when you aren't putting on a show for friends. Not that I don't enjoy my friends; each thing in moderation, I'd say. I have fond memories of being alone as a child, playing by the pond near my house, or daydreaming about the things I secretly liked. This makes me wonder, if I wouldn't have had a richer, more fulfilling childhood actually pursuing these things, or if they just would have lost their beauty once they turned from a daydream to tedious, repetitive actuality. So secrets are, in the end, a little bittersweet.

Day Thirty

2009-02-24T01:29:00.009-05:00

Martin and I met at a party and we were both kind of fucked up and we were like, "Wow, you're beautiful" to each other, and we became friends. New York is funny. Daul Kim

Originally from here.

Each of us is born with a share of purity, predestined to be corrupted by our commerce with mankind, by that sin against solitude. E.M. Cioran

Seventy years after his death, Kafka epitomizes one aspect of this modern mind-set: a sensation of anxiety and shame whose center cannot be located and therefore cannot be placated; a sense of an infinite difficulty within things, impeding every step; a sensitivity acute beyond usefulness, as if the nervous system, flayed of its old hide of social usage and religious belief, must record every touch as pain. John Updike

Originally from here.

Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future. Audrey Hepburn

Originally from here.

Just some things that have been buzzing in my skull. Especially the song; I love the Beatles, and that cover is very cute without being compromising.

Day Twenty-nine

2009-02-23T10:22:00.005-05:00

Not sure where this is from!

One thing about me is that I can't stop dreaming - I'm always focused on the future, and possibilities, hopes, plans, and a vague feeling of exploration, adventure, happening. The one thing I've always wanted in life is to travel, and as I get older and older I feel this desire slowly becoming hotter.

This desire has been fueled by reading about other people's travels. Most especially, a friend of mine has gone to study abroad in Spain, and another is studying abroad in China. Really, there's nothing I don't like about traveling; when you're in a foreign place, even the most mundane activities, like going to the grocery store, are fantastically alien. The feeling of being a stranger in a strange place, well, it seems alienating but I find it very nice. It's such a release to be able to just be quiet, or to have your solitude amongst a crowd, by virtue of sheer otherness.

Originally from here.

I think, in order to assuage the frustration that tends to come along with these types of dreams, I'll start saving up what I can. I might also by some of those city guide Moleskines, so that I can already start to mark places I want to go and things I want to do. It's good to write your dreams down.

Day Twenty-eight

2009-02-22T08:43:00.006-05:00

Originally from here.

Everyone's got that unexpected something, if not few things, that will instantly transport them back to their childhoods. I hope for everyone that they have at least one happy thing; I'm very fortunate myself to have several. This particular "something" I've had a great fondness for since I was a young child, and something I couldn't get enough of at one point; very broadly, it was mythology, but much more specifically, it was mythical beasts.

I think it started with fantasy video games and Yoshitaka Amano's breathtaking art, and progressed from there to fantasy books. Finally, once I could find them at my school's library, I was reading every mythology book I could dig up. Poor, underappreciated books! In my mind, the amount of stamps on their slips never did them any justice! My favorites of these sorts of books were ones with a more zoological bent, the ones that had stories exclusively about particular beasts. One section to dragons, one section to unicorns, and so on... Looking at the above picture, I notice the (not unexpected) absence of my old favorite, the wyrm.

Not really a dragon properly, I think I like the wyrm so much because of the folktale "Prince Lindworm." The story itself, you could say, follows the "usual" fairytale script, but since I happen to love fairytales, this isn't a problem. Beyond that, the art that accompanied the story in the book I read it in made an impression - it looked like an old print, with a young maiden, thick with all the dresses she was wearing, standing opposite a wingless, limbless wyrm shedding his skin. I felt like I was peering in through a peephole into some secret place. The artwork was almost suggestive; the wyrm almost seemed, well, shy, and not at all like the monster you'd expect.

Could somebody help me with the above picture? I know what everything is, except Fig. 5, the little guy beneath the Roc. I can't think of it for the life of me!

Day Twenty-seven

2009-02-21T09:47:00.011-05:00

Originally from here.

I woke up this morning, finally, to birds! The sky itself, out my window, was a very lovely soft blue, with not even a speck of white. I crept up slowly to my window - which had the blinds open but not up, so I could see out but it would be enough to obscure me from the birds - and I saw a Carolina Chickadee eating at the feeder. It was maybe a week ago that I decided to put it back to use, and I've been waiting for the birds to take notice.

Birds, I think, are some of the most beautiful creatures around. Not just for the their looks, or their songs, or even their frailty - the very precarious and precious nature of their bodies and lives - I'd say that they are yet still more beautiful because of the awe they inspire in us and others, and the inspiration they are apt to cause, being so everyday but hardly ordinary.

It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. C.S. Lewis

Have you ever observed a humming-bird moving about in an aerial dance among the flowers - a living prismatic gem.... it is a creature of such fairy-like loveliness as to mock all description. W.H. Hudson

My favorite weather is bird-chirping weather. Loire Hartwould

Maybe today, I can find more confidence in myself and happiness in the world if I live like a bird.

Originally from here.

A wise old owl sat on an oak; the more he saw the less he spoke; the less he spoke the more he heard; why aren't we like that wise old bird?

Day Twenty-six

2009-02-20T12:36:00.010-05:00

Alright, so that first post is a bit of a cop-out (being an intro and all). Here is something that's made me happy today:

Bach's "Art of Fugue," (as played by Glenn Gould). It's spectacular, really, I don't have words; the beauty is counterpointed with the immense sense of sadness the music carries. It's breathtaking. For me, it illustrations perfectly something I've felt: that every happiness should have an element of pain, Somewhere in there, there should be melancholy, nostalgia, sorrow, maybe even regret, anguish...

I know, this is a blog of one thing a day that has made me happy. But before I go on, I figure, I should at least say plainly what happiness is to me. A happiness with no pain just doesn't have a soul.

Introduction

2009-02-20T11:51:00.007-05:00

Originally from here.

Today, I'm happy I finally started this blog.

I hope:

That I will be able to fulfill my goal (one post/day for 365 days/year)
That other people will join me (it's more fun to do things together)
That today will be a lovely day (for me, and everyone)